What If Pests Were Even Scarier?

What If Pests Were Even Scarier?

Welcome back to our imaginary scenario series, where we take ordinary pests and imagine what would happen if they were in situations very similar to the ones we experience as humans. Today’s edition is a little different than the previous ones. We are still discussing the possibilities of pests in a realistic fictional world, but this time, they are still mostly behaving like they always do. This scenario is as if there was a spectrum for how creepy pests are, and we took that dial and turned it all the way up to 100. So, without further ado, let’s look into a world where normal pests are much larger problems than before, one pest quite literally.

Spiders Could Fly

This one is not entirely impossible right now. Spiders can technically glide long distances, which could be considered flying since they are traveling without touching the ground. They can either glide using their webs strands, called “ballooning,” or use the electric field. That’s right: spiders can sense the electric field creating static electricity through hairs called trichobothria that tell the spider it’s time to balloon. But this interesting feat is not what we’re talking about here. We are talking about the imaginary scenario where spiders could literally fly whenever and wherever they choose. They could land on you while you’re taking your daily walk in the neighborhood, and then only fly away when swatted at. You know the scenario where you leave a spider on the wall to quickly grab a tissue and come back to kill it? Imagine it disappearing not because it can crawl annoyingly fast (like they always do now), but because it flew away! Most spiders are creepy-looking enough without the addition of wings. There is a reason why arachnophobia is one of the most common fears in the world, but we have a feeling it would jump up on the list if these arachnids had the gift of controlled flight.

Ants Could Talk

Movies like A Bug’s Life are fun because they are so separate from the scariness of our normal pests, but what if ants behaved similarly in real life? They already communicate well with one another through the use of pheromones, invisible chemicals that alert one another to specific messages or dangers. There are slightly different pheromones for every situation you can think of, including an enemy outside the nest, a trail to delicious food, and the queen’s health conditions (using her own scent). But this is silent communication with their own species. If ants could talk to us in a language we understand, that would certainly make us do a double take. This could go a couple of different ways, as we don’t know if ants would be nice or mean while they invade our homes for food. Maybe it depends on the species! Tiny black ants might be nicer, saying things like, “Thanks for the delicious crumbs!” They may even have requests for what to buy (“Can you get some sugary cereal, please?”) or the conditions of the house (“It’s hot! Turn on the air conditioner.”). The more aggressive ant species, like fire ants, would not be as charming when talking to us. They would probably just tell us to get out of the way and stay away from their hill. As annoying as ants are in real life, at least we don’t have to listen to high-pitched complaints about our choice of snacks if they invade.

Bees Were the Size of Birds

Most bee species are normal-sized for insects, measuring anywhere from less than .1 inches to over 1.5 inches. Honey bees and bumblebees are a little larger, but still nothing too bad. Carpenter bees are definitely the largest ones we encounter on a regular basis, as these big bees are commonly seen boring into our porches and pollinating our flowers. But if any kind of bee was the size of a bird, that would be a new kind of scary. They would pollinate our flowers in no time, and it would probably take them about five seconds to gather pollen from ten flowers. They would have trouble with the thinner flowers, like Lily of the valley, so the bees would have to stick to the larger flowers. Besides that, our flowers would be pollinated very well, likely to the point where other pollinators like butterflies and hummingbirds would be out of a job! Another factor that would change is the size of their hives. Normal bee hives can be the size of a basketball if left alone long enough, so imagine the size of a hive for bird-sized bees! The opening to it would have to be enlarged for sure, plus the inner cells that hold young bees or honey would also need to be larger in diameter. A major concern with this imaginary scenario is that anyone allergic to bee stings would need to be even more alert at all times when outside, as a sting from this monster would not be good. Bees are relatively docile as long as they are left alone, so hopefully this attitude would carry over to their bluebird-sized alternate universe selves. 

Rodents Loved Humans

For this one, we are just talking about the rodents we consider to be pests, not pets. People who own rats or mice as pets will likely say that the rodents do love them, so there is something to be said about a nurturing environment for an animal. But for rodents who live as scavengers and pests, they are definitely not fans of ours and the feeling is mutual. They like to stay hidden in attics and walls, and only emerge at night to look for food and nest materials. If we do happen to catch them in the act, rats and mice will scamper away to hide until it’s safe again. If they feel very threatened or are handled, they will likely bite us, transferring all kinds of bacteria and diseases. But if rodents actually enjoyed our company, that may be even worse in a way. It’s bad enough if you hear scratching in the walls and notice droppings in your dry foods, but having a rodent family follow you around sounds like a nightmare. The nocturnal and isolated rodents we know are difficult enough to handle, so having diurnal and social pests that want to be near us is not something we want at any time. Imagine dropping a piece of cheese and immediately seeing a rat or mouse pick it up and then not leave your side, like a dog who knows you have a treat. Of course, their hiding in the walls is not much better, but we have enough to worry about in real life without looking behind us to see if a tiny rodent is there!

Bed Bugs Liked Our Food

Anyone who has experienced bed bugs can tell you what a pain it is, sometimes literally. They are small and excellent at hiding, as they wedge themselves in our mattresses and furniture to emerge and bite us at night when we can’t do anything about it. The itchy red bites they leave behind are frustrating to wake up with, especially if it goes on for multiple nights. The reason for these bites and hiding is because bed bugs only consume blood from mammals, so they need to bite us to eat. But what if bed bugs liked our own food more than our blood? If they kept their hidden nature, they would definitely provide multiple “jump-scares” where we go to take a bite of our food and find a group of reddish bugs. They would likely eat much more of our food than smaller pests like ants, as bed bugs reproduce quickly and can eat quite a bit. We’re not sure what would be worse: the bed bugs staying nocturnal and eating our food in the middle of the night, or becoming diurnal and devouring our food when we are trying to go about our day. Real bed bugs consuming our blood is bad enough, but if we combined this with the imaginary food scenario to create some hungry and bloodthirsty bed bugs? There would be no escape from these tiny fiends and their voracious appetites! 

Mosquitoes Only Travelled in Swarms

Speaking of frustrating biting pests that we wish didn’t exist, mosquitoes are one of the major downfalls of summer. The female mosquitoes seeking protein for their eggs are the reasons we find itchy welts after being outside for five minutes, and they only get more active with increasing temperatures. Mosquitoes may be seen in a small group if they are gathering nectar from flowers or seeking out a mate, but they are more individualistic than other pests, like bees and ants. The idea of looking up to see a dark cloud of buzzing mosquitoes would be enough for us to never go outside again in this scenario. For those of us who are allergic to mosquito bites (technically to their saliva) and swell up immediately when bit, the imaginary situation where a swarm of mosquitoes are in the area is already making us itch. If there were a ton of mosquitoes in one group, chances are good that there would be a high number of female mosquitoes. More female mosquitoes means more protein needs, which means more bites. The swarm would probably travel where both parties would be happy: flowers with nectar for the majority, and mammals with warm blood for the females producing eggs. It’s bad enough to prevent a few mosquitoes from ruining a summer barbecue without the issue of a plague-sized swarm of mosquitoes descending upon us at any moment!

Roaches Walked Upright

This may just seem humorous upon first read, but hear us out: any creature that normally walks on four or more legs on the ground suddenly standing up and walking on two legs is funny until they start coming at you. Roaches are similar to rodents in that they all wish to be away from humans and potential predators, so they hide during the day and scavenge at night. Roaches also carry a ton of diseases on their bodies and can invoke allergies through their skins and droppings, so they are not a houseguest you want at any time. But they walk on their six legs like any normal insect. If roaches walked upright on two legs, you can bet there would be a lot more screaming when they come around. The idea of a small gross insect walking around like a miniature mascot at a baseball game is enough to make us shudder. Roaches can already get into plenty of spaces and hidden areas as it is, but if they could stand tall, they would be able to reach even more cabinets and shelves! One more fact to make this scenario even worse is that cockroaches invade in droves and reproduce extremely quickly. This means that there could be a small army of roaches marching into the kitchen to grab whatever they find, a scenario that makes an already unbearable pest even more horrifying. 

Termites Behaved Like Cartoons

Termites are one of the most dreaded pests ever. They can cause thousands of dollars in damage to a house or business, and it is all because of their limited diet of only wood. Termite colonies can number in the hundreds of thousands, with different classes to divide the manual labor of keeping a colony afloat. But the most extreme termite cases only happened because they went unnoticed and untreated for quite a long time. In general, termites cause damage to wood wherever they go, and most buildings, homes, and furniture with mild termite damage can be efficiently repaired. But in cartoons where termites are the main antagonist, this is not the case. This pest issue has been utilized in all kinds of animated shows, from Pink Panther to Popeye to Phineas and Ferb. The general premise is that a small swarm of termites devours whole houses and objects within seconds, often just to antagonize the main characters. In this imaginary scenario, our real termites behave just like the cartoons. This would mean everyone living in constant fear that our houses can be devoured in a matter of seconds, which would be quite the insurance claim. They would easily consume all of our wooden furniture and structures like it’s nothing, then fly away to do the same to another person’s house. It would be even worse if the termites also had vendettas against those of us trying to stop them, as they could turn a frustrating pest problem into a nightmarish chase scene!

There is Not a “What If?” With Pest Control

Although these scenarios are not true, thankfully, we still aren’t big fans of the normal pests in our world. They ruin our food, leave behind gross cast skins and droppings, invade in droves, and are a headache to eliminate. But no matter what specific pest problem you may have, pest control services are here to give you a pest-free home as efficiently as possible. Our team of experienced technicians are dedicated to treating every issue with personalized treatments and the utmost care. Contact us to learn more about our EPA-approved services and how we can solve your pest issues before they evolve into pest nightmares almost on the same level as these scenarios. 

Citations

Bee. (n.d.). Britannica. Retrieved August 22, 2022, from https://www.britannica.com/animal/bee 

Grennell, A. (2018, July 5). Spiders fly on the currents of Earth’s electric field. PBS. Available at https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/spiders-fly-on-the-currents-of-earths-electric-field (Accessed on August 22, 2022).